It's a beautiful morning, I've got laundry washing, another load of laundry drying and dishes running in the washer. The sun is shining, the gold fish are fed and I now have a few minutes to myself to think about today.
Today is Ikaika's 18th birthday. I have two adult aged children as of this morning. I put on some music by Embrace and reflected upon what I should feel about this day. Time and time again, I've been told by friends or acquaintences of how great it will be when my kids are grown up so I can do whatever I want with my life. What they may not understand is that all I ever wanted was to be Mom. That is what I wanted to do with my life.
As I made Ikaika's graduation invitation, I looked back and thought of every precious moment now spent and categorized in images. Memories are kind. I look back and can be sentimental and remember the good things, not the diaper changes, sick days or sometimes the general unsureness of what to do to be the best Mom I could be to two sons who needed me.
I look at these many pictures of their sweet, shiny faces. I remember their little hugs every day. I remember the times of mini tantrums and tears as well. My heart longs for a "do over"; another red and blue power rangers halloween, another Christmas Eve where they still put out donuts, cookies and carrots for Santa and his reindeer, another night of standing in the doorway to their bedroom, watching them sleep and knowing that all the world was right in that perfect moment. I do not wish for this to be the end, to be left with only pictures and memories...I'd do this all over again, if only.
To my sons: "Warrior King from Heaven" and "Prophet Who Rules with the Strength of Many Nations in his Blood". Once my babies, now young men still growing. Everyday, no matter where you are, I am aware of you and sending you all the love I have and hoping that you remember. I want you to remember what you've learned by being the sons you are. I want you to live well and make the best choices you can for yourselves, for your families and if possible, to make this world a brighter, better place because you have been here.
Nevermind that tomorrow is Mother's Day. Today it's a glorious day for all three of us, somehow it feels like we made it through one more milestone. I love you both. Thank you for being my heart all of these years. Love you, Mom.