Tuesday, September 30, 2008

The Latest with Kuulei and the Boys :)

I should be going back to sleep for another 1/2 hour, but the morning is too perfect to waste sleeping. I pulled out the laptop, opened up my room window to let in some of the last of the temperate morning breeze of the season, put on some Bocelli and a little Wyclef Jean to sing to me of the sentimental longing about leaving the ones we love and returning in November...Laying here on my bed, the blankets all gathered around me, I feel nestled in and ready to write about my boys :)

Last night, Kekoa was downloading pictures of his homecoming date last weekend on Facebook. He wanted me to say that his date was pretty...I kind of held it over him and didn't gush an "Oooo" or "Ahhh" about the girl, however, I sure did about him. It's amazing to see Koa now; he's grown up, the babyish chub around his chin continues to fade away, replaced by this awful facial hair nest that he says that girls say is "sexy". Yeah, I had him shave it last week and plan on having him shave the remains again today.

But honestly, he's so handsome. When he was getting ready for the dance last weekend, I was just watching him thinking how that the then little 5 pounds 7 ounces baby boy grew up to be 190 pounds of semi devastatingly gorgeous young man. He does have some of his Dad's physical features, even some of his Dad's personality, but overall, he is uniquely Koa. He kept asking me if he looked good, "Yes son...you look great." Sigh...he's beautiful and so darn adorable, checking himself again and again in the mirror...my Koa.

I went to the homecoming football game with the boys on Friday night last week. At Timpview, it seems common for people who went to school there to gather to the homecoming game, so I went to see who I could see. I texted the boys when I arrived, then made my way through aisles of kids running around in orange and blue. All of the sudden, I felt two big arms squeeze me from the side...it was Koa. He had come down the stands to take me up to him and Kaikers. He stood in front of me, so I wrapped my arms around his chest and we walked through the mess of cheering/talking freakishly hyper kids together :)

The boys were sitting in the student section. I know I should have sat in the section just to the right of that one with other adult onlookers, but I came to the game to be with my boys, so I stood between them, kind of hiding, balancing in my heels in between my boys on the bench. Kekoa introduced me to one of his friends. She seemed like a cute little poly girl.

Then there is Robert, a friend that Koa has known since grade school. He's part Hawaiian, but mostly caucasian, however the ukulele in hand and the pidgeon that he speaks says otherwise. I'm glad that Koa has Robert to be silly poly kids with...it's cool and yet I strain at the idea. But when I look at Koa, when I look at his swaggering walk, or the way he looks all "tough" with his masculine postures, it reminds me of a younger John Hanamaikai, my grandfather, who was too cool for words and just enough tender hearted to win the heart and hand of a lovely japanese girl all those years ago in Hawaii.

I often think to myself, "Grandpa, you'd better watch out for my boy...he's so like you, just watch out for him okay." I think my Grandpa Hanamaikai wanted my parents to name one of their sons "Kekoa", but it never happened, so I took the name and gave it to my son instead, and coupled with my Grandpa's middle name "Keli'i" too. I loved that man, even though I didn't know him well.

I love my Grandpa Hanamaikai, for his harshness, for his kindness, for all the strength and weakness of him that I know pulses through my veins as well. It was only right to name my son in his honor. When Koa is headstrong against me, I can almost imagine my Grandpa laughing at me as he remembers what it's like to argue and power play with his children, most of all, I can imagine him telling me, "Bay (as in babe) ...be careful, don't push him too hard." spoken from a person who knows. I hope one day to be able to present my Koa to my Grandpa, to proudly show him how wonderful his posterity has become and the good works we have done with his name.

Oh that was quite the aside....back to the story...Kekoa proceeded to tell the girl that I used to go to school at Timpview. She kind of squeeled and asked, "What did you do here?" Umm...let me think, how do I answer that one? Haha. So I told her that I played volleyball, basketball, and softball and was the captain of all 3 teams one year. I was in the orchestra and did a short stint on the drama team (mostly for the yearbook picture opp), but that other than that, I just hung out with friends and went to school. This answer seemed to please her and she was somewhat impressed, especially with the fact that I used to set on the volleyball team. It was cute.

But the part that I loved was how proud Koa seemed to be of me upon the approval of his friend. Silly huh...but come on, I love that boy and if anyone is going to be proud of me, I want it to be my sons. Kekoa then turned to the girl and said, "Yeah...my Mom...she can sing too, really good at singing too." How sweet to hear that boy brag on me for a minute...last week he was playing his ukulele and I was singing with him at my office while I worked. Koa's amazing that's all there is to say.

I turned back around and stood by Ikaika, who kept telling me, "No Mom, don't kiss me, no Mom, stop holding my hand..." I know it's wicked, but I was teasing him and kissing him on the cheek because he was trying so hard to look cool. Sigh...my little bunner. I was remarking about how small one of the band kids looked (seriously there is no way that kid is much bigger than the boys were when they were in 4th grade) and then of course, there is the other extreme with a boy that was I swear like 6' 2" and 250 pounds...crazy. But of the little guy, Ikaika said, "Mom, that is my friend so and so, he doesn't have a lot of friends so I say hi to him whenever I see him...etc..." Hmm, another proud moment, I see that the child has grown up with a sense of responsibility and kindness for others infused into him so much that I do not need to be there to instruct him any longer on the "how to play nice with others" issue.

After a while, Koa took his place on my left and Kaika on my right, and I stood there with my arms wound through their arms and we looked out over the field together. I looked around and wondered if there was a way to stop time, to stay there in that moment a little longer. Of course the pulchritudinous moment was altered by the arrival of Kekoa's love interest...hmph, I did fume a bit as he left my side and went to her. But if he knew that the reason I tease him so insistently about girls is that I wonder if she knows how dear he is, how lucky she is to have him, and of course, I just hate to lose my boy, my baby Koko. The girl is pretty enough, apparently she is dedicated to her schoolwork, and she is involved in sports, aside from that, she has lived abroad and is not a dumb head because well...she is smart enough to pick my son :)

I didn't stay for the end of the football game. I left with about 5 minutes to go in the last quarter. I did kiss the boys goodbye...it is always funny because in public, Koa is so happy to hug and kiss me and Ikaika acts as if it is insufferable, whereas when we are at home, I have a little bunny curled up next to me most of the time, and Koa can't be bothered to kiss me LOL...the boys....sheesh. I left them amidst the sea of silly kids, feeling quite content for the moment with the time I'd had with them that night.

Fast forward back to this morning: This morning when I was driving Kaika to school, I was telling him that he's always going to be my baby, no matter what. He likes to argue against me, while holding my pinky in his pinky of course ;) "Nope, I'm not your baby." Then I pinch his cheek and say, "Oh yes you are, I made you." And Kaika answers back, "You didn't make me..." his way of pressing me to keep playing the "yes...no...yes...no..." game. So I said, "Oh yes I did, you were a little parasite that sucked some of the best stuff out of my cells for 9 months and almost 2 weeks, so yes, I did make you." To which he answers in a coy fashion, "No Mommer, I was not a parasite, it was a case of mutualism...I took your best and you got a baby." Little stinker. But I did laugh..."mutualism"...so we're just gonna make up words now bun? Haha, it's clever enough and therefore does delight me.

I was telling Kaika how handsome he and Koa are as we drove. That mildly arrogant little bugger just said, "Duh Mom...duh." LOL. So we drive on, and get behind the dreaded bus. Blast, every bloody morning at 7:16 a.m. there is this bus that pulls out in front of us on Canyon Road. We try to beat the bus, but somehow, always manage to get behind it. Ikaika and I shake our fists in the air as we curse the bus for going so slow, then we laugh because it's just another game we play...I'm glad for these times because I know that one day, Ikaika will get stuck behind a school bus and think, "'Dang you bus..." and laugh to himself because it will remind him of how we once were when he was young.

And then, before I drop Kaikers off at school, I tell him that one day I will spoil his baby cupe-cakes the way I spoiled and loved him when he grew up. But Kaika will not have it, he says, "No, you have to be the mean, old grandma, no spoiling, nope." Haha, truth is this: No, you're my Mommer and no one else gets to be spoiled by you except me. And then we stop the car, he hops out, I smack the side of his leg and tell him to have a good day, and he nonchalantly looks back at me and shakes his head. No kiss goodbye, just a brief and unnoticeable nod of the head, and my son is gone to school.

So I'm home, thinking of the boys some more. I'm proud of them. I love them. I think of my life and you know the thought of having more children, another family, it all seems nice, but I long for more time with my babies, a golden time that seems impossible to improve upon. I can't imagine a baby now or a new family that does not start and end with the boys.

I miss their frosting covered hands, their demands for "Nonalds" or "Beatdonalds" and the play land. I miss the little pants and sweatshirts, bought one size too big so that they looked comfortable and stylish. I miss the raspy voices and high pitched laughter. I miss being able to carry them both in my arms at the same time while they sleep. I miss the school programs and the primary programs where they stand in the front row waving to me with clear smiles and freshly pressed shirts. I miss my babies and wonder if life will ever be better than it has been with them, not to doubt or take value away from any potential children I may yet have, but it's just difficult to think that there will ever be another child as dear to me as the boys are :)

Advice from all of this: enjoy your children, love them, play with them, teach them, remember with them and write about it often :) It all goes by so fast.