Saturday, September 29, 2012

I'm Getting Married Today

It's early. I couldn't sleep much last night.  Thoughts of what needs to happen today and what has happened thus far crowded the stage all night long.  I woke up to my phone alarm, in the middle of a dream about a client meeting, then the silly app wouldn't close down so I had to take my phone battery out.  Sigh.

Deciding to get married, announcing the engagement, planning the wedding and executing it was not supposed to be so stressful! Okay...go ahead and insert laugh here.  Yesterday, I sat on the couch, a pile of conflict about work, still needing to go last minute shopping and other people's feelings...just generally miserable :/ 

Defeated is not a usual state of being for me, but yesterday, my positivity glass was 9/10's empty.  While I sat there on the verge of tears, Ian looked at me and said, "Be happy. You're getting married tomorrow." and he smiled at me.  Relief...

I cannot explain to you what its like to have someone in your life who says, "You come first. You are important. You matter. And now, I'm going to remind you."  He is so good to me, without the strings attached or guilt trips or immature "now you owe" me that has made me shrink from trusting most to anyone in life.  He just gives me a place to stand, and he stands with me.

Ian loves me...ME, a high strung workaholic stress ball who sometimes can't let go of trying to please everyone despite how awful it may make me feel.  He takes care of me by putting things in perspective for me when all I can see is the cage of unending "to do" on the list.  He puts me first and reminds me that is important.  He makes me laugh so I won't cry.  He is the strength that rushes in to support my weaknesses. And he lets me do the same for him and he appreciates it and says so.  He is my match.

For everyone who we didn't and couldn't invite due to the rush of this whole event and the guest limit, I'm sorry.  I am grateful to know that I have more friends and family who want to be with me on my wedding day than I could invite. I have been so well loved by many. Today I thank you for helping me get here.  Any love or support that you've been has helped shape me.  I send you thanks and love today and want you to remember: although you may not be at my wedding, you are certainly not forgotten. 

This morning, I am crying because I'm happy.  Yeah, I have 45 lemons & limes to slice, table covers to make sure arrive and 3 lovely red pimples in the shape of Orion's belt on my chin, but you know what else I have: someone who loves me like no one else ever has before. 

Its going to be a beautiful day. "And then we got married..." Let it begin.