For the Next Two Years...

I have decided to use this blog as the place where I will chronicle the next two years of my youngest son, Ikaika Danner, LDS mission. I may make a few minor edits, but overall, this is where I will be able to share what we talk about as he is away.

It is a great joy to me to be able to share my heart this way.  I hope that it will be an enjoyable, insightful and perhaps even fun read for whomever may happen upon this blog :)

So, here we go...

FIRST LETTER FROM ME

May 2, 2013

Hola Baber...I mean, Elder Danner :)

How are you doing? I hope you are well :)  I'm sure you are, but you know your Mommer, I hope it every other minute :) 

I found it relieving that yesterday when you opened the door that you had a friend there to receive you. I felt like that was a blessing.  Of all of the hosts we could've stopped by, there was someone who knew you.  I am grateful for every tiny, merciful, loving blessing, especially as it pertains to you.  I told Sheri, he went from the arms of his family into the hands of his friends.  Beautiful :) 

Anyways, I hope your first night was good.  Around 10:40 p.m. the Mommer cried cause she was thinking of you laying in bed, perhaps a little sad but trying not to be; the realization of the reality of your choice to go on a mission just may have been pretty real when you were going to sleep, and so I, like many mothers before me, wept a little as no mother wants their child to suffer, even one iota of sadness.  

I don't mean for that to be a sad message from home, just that I do think of you and I pray so much that you will feel every bit of comfort and confidence that you can, even in the sad times that may come up.

As you know, we appreciate the sweet because we have known the bitter...i.e. knowing sadness can really help us appreciate and seek joy, and be more patient and understanding of others who are in the middle of their sad times.  That is something that I've been grateful to have in my life.  I hope it is something that will help you as well.  

I went to set up your iPad yesterday, but I need a passcode.  I was still able to access the songs though.  I think some of the music must be Kekoa's, but there are definitely songs in there that are you to me.  What a dear you are :)  

I was glad to get that package to you yesterday.  I laughed at myself thinking that it had only been 3 hours and I had already sent you a care package haha What a delight it is to love you and get to dote on you this way.  It makes me so happy to be able to put my love for you to work :) 

Last night I went to Keoni's band concert.  Afterwards, Sheri, Heather, Haruko and I were going to go to dinner.  I texted Kekoa and he, Aubrey, Kaleo and Lori came and had dinner with us too.  It was very nice to be together, especially last night.  It makes me proud that we all have such fond and loving memories of you.  Do you know what a blessing you are and have been to this family?  It just brings happy tears to my eyes.  We've been so blessed to have you <3 div="" nbsp="">

I asked Aubrey to add me on FB so I could get her email address and include her in the list of people to whom I forward your progress.  She messaged me and said thank you for raising such an amazing person.  ...it makes me happy that there is someone who calls you "best friend" and cares for you so much.  

I sent her a link to my blog also, with a note that said, if you want to read a bit more about the boys, that she could check it out.  Some of my tenderest memories live in that blog.  I'm so glad that you read it a while ago.  

I read the post I wrote for your 18th birthday.  I'm still as smitten as I ever have been to be your Mom :)  I know you know I love you, but here is some niceness so you remember: 

"To my sons:  "Warrior King from Heaven" and "Prophet Who Rules with the Strength of Many Nations in his Blood". Once my babies, now young men still growing.  

Everyday, no matter where you are, I am aware of you and sending you all the love I have and hoping that you remember.  

I want you to remember what you've learned by being the sons you are.  I want you to live well and make the best choices you can for yourselves, for your families and if possible, to make this world a brighter, better place because you have been here.  

 ...I love you both.  Thank you for being my heart all of these years."

I hope you have a wonderful day and know that you have so many people who love and support you.  If you need anything from me, please let me know.  Otherwise, quick notes work too, as I know you are super busy!

All my best and love, 

Mommer

HIS RESPONSE: 

May 3, 2013 

Dear Mommer,

This has to be short because we spent our personal time giving blessings to the Sisters in our district. I love you mom. Share the letters that are coming your way. Thank you so much mom for being there for me. I love you and know that I care for you so much. ... I know I am where I am supposed to be. And FYI I am the DL(District Leader) I said that in the letters so look there for that. I did get the packages so thank you so much. I love you. Take care of your family.

Love,

Elder Danner

MY RESPONSE: 

HELLO!

Thank you for taking the time to write me.  You're so thoughtful!  This made me soo happy!  I am amidst planning your birthday package and this email popped up.  ...  I'm so proud that you would use your personal time to help others.  That really made me happy! 

Also that you know you are where you are supposed to be.  That just makes my heart smile...what a blessing it is to know that you are doing what you should be.  ...if/when things get tough, you will have that confirmation to lean on, to keep you strong and help you know that you are equal to all that...has and will be put before you.  

I am also very proud to hear that you are a DL!  You have been such a good example and have a talent for caring for others.  I hope that it will be a wonderful experience for you.  I hope that all of our love from home will buoy you up so that you can share the  fullness you have with others who need it.  We are all so very blessed...thank you for choosing to serve this mission.  

Thank you so much for loving me.  I missed you a lot today, but I know it is because we love each other...I'm so grateful for that.  Thank you for being such an inspiration to me and others around you.  

Stay strong Elder Danner!  Shine Bright! And love every minute of this time.  No one tells you that even the hard times of your life will someday be a fond memory :)  Crazy as it sounds, I'd give anything to have a baby Koa and a baby Kaika in diapers again, begging me for Nonalds/B'Donalds :* 

I look forward to many more years of good times together and even this short time that we'll be apart as I know we are all where we should be :) 

I love you son!

Love, 

Mommer 

To the New Danner Baby

Kekoa & Melissa Danner's Baby

Dear Child, I do not know you yet, but as I sit here, I think of you and wonder into our future together.

I first saw a picture of you one month ago.  Your Uncle Ikaika called you "Alien".  One day when you look at the ultra sound picture you'll understand why :)

I guess I'll be the one you call Grandma one day.  I'm sorry if I struggle with that label, but you have to understand that it is not because I will not love you and guard you with my life, it's just because I am not ready for this stage of life.  I'm not ready to say "hello" to you the same way I was not ready to say "goodbye" to your Dad the day he moved away.  I'm not ready to move into this new role because for some reason, it feels like maybe something in me is ending.

I hope your Dad will help you to know me so you'll understand the type of Grandma I'll be to you.  I promise to love you and watch over you, even if it means a "tut tut" now and then to remind you to behave.  I promise to tell you stories of your Dad when he was growing up so that you will know how much you are like him.  I promise to help you find what it is that you love in this life and help teach you how to know what true happiness is.  I promise to give you the best of what I've got to offer so that the best of your Dad, of me and my predecessors will live in you.

Next year we'll have Christmas together.  I daresay you'll be spoiled rotten and that's alright, as long as you remember to say thank you and be genuinely grateful haha For now, I just wanted to make sure you know that I'm here and I'm thinking about you.  Stay strong little one.  The world is waiting for you.

A Glorious Day

It's a beautiful morning, I've got laundry washing, another load of laundry drying and dishes running in the washer.  The sun is shining, the gold fish are fed and I now have a few minutes to myself to think about today.

Today is Ikaika's 18th birthday.  I have two adult aged children as of this morning.  I put on some music by Embrace and reflected upon what I should feel about this day.  Time and time again, I've been told by friends or acquaintences of how great it will be when my kids are grown up so I can do whatever I want with my life.  What they may not understand is that all I ever wanted was to be Mom.  That is what I wanted to do with my life.

As I made Ikaika's graduation invitation, I looked back and thought of every precious moment now spent and categorized in images.  Memories are kind.  I look back and can be sentimental and remember the good things, not the diaper changes, sick days or sometimes the general unsureness of what to do to be the best Mom I could be to two sons who needed me. 

I found a picture of Kekoa and Ikaika nestled up next to me while I read to them.  Ikaika had the chicken pox and was covered in pink spots of dried calomine lotion.  Koa was all smiles, his chicken pox had come and gone by then, so he was comfortable there next to me in his batman pjs.  I found this picture of the boys on the day I graduated from college.  My Dad arranged it so that they each presented me with a flower lei.  The boys were so proud to give them to me.  What a beautiful memory. 

I look at these many pictures of their sweet, shiny faces. I remember their little hugs every day.  I remember the times of mini tantrums and tears as well.  My heart longs for a "do over"; another red and blue power rangers halloween, another Christmas Eve where they still put out donuts, cookies and carrots for Santa and his reindeer, another night of standing in the doorway to their bedroom, watching them sleep and knowing that all the world was right in that perfect moment.  I do not wish for this to be the end, to be left with only pictures and memories...I'd do this all over again, if only.

To my sons:  "Warrior King from Heaven" and "Prophet Who Rules with the Strength of Many Nations in his Blood". Once my babies, now young men still growing.  Everyday, no matter where you are, I am aware of you and sending you all the love I have and hoping that you remember.  I want you to remember what you've learned by being the sons you are.  I want you to live well and make the best choices you can for yourselves, for your families and if possible, to make this world a brighter, better place because you have been here. 

Nevermind that tomorrow is Mother's Day.  Today it's a glorious day for all three of us, somehow it feels like we made it through one more milestone.  I love you both.  Thank you for being my heart all of these years.  Love you, Mom.